I pounded on a farmhouse
Lookin` for a place to stay
I was mighty, mighty tired
I had come a long, long way
I said, `Hey, hey, in there
Is there anybody home ?
I was standin` on the steps
Feelin` must alone
Well, out comes a farmer
He must have thought that I was nuts
He immediately looked at me
And stuck a gun into my guts
I fell down
To my bended knees
Saying, `I dig farmers
Don`t shoot me pleaseHe cocked his rifle
And began to shout
`You`re that travelin` salesman
That I have heard about`v I said, `No ! No ! No !
I`m a doctor and it`s true
I`m a clean-cut kid
And I been to college too`.
Then in comes his daughter
Whose name was Rita
She looked like she stepped out of
La Dolce Vita
I immediately tried to cool it
With her dad
And told him what a
Nice, pretty farm he had
He said, `What do doctors
Know about farms, pray tell ?I said, `I was born
At the bottom of a wishing well`.
Well, by the dirt `neath my nails
I guess he knew I wouldn`t lie
He said `I guess, you`re tiredHe said, kinds sly
I said, `Yes, ten thousand miles
Today I droveHe said, `I got a bed for you
Underneath the stove
Just one condition
You got to sleep right now
That you don`t touch my daughter
And in the morning, milk the cow`.
I was sleepin` like a rat
When I heard something jerkinThere stood Rita
Lookin` just like Tony Perkins
She said, `Would you like to take a shower ?
I`ll show you up to the doorI said, `Oh, no, no
I`ve been through this movie before
I knew I had to split
But I didn`t know how
When she said,
`Would you like to take that shower now ?
Well, I couldn`t leave
Unless the old man chased me out
`Cause I`d already promised
That I`d milk his cows
I had to say something
To strike him very weird
So I yelled out
`I like Fidel Castro and his beardRita looked offended
But she got out of the way
As he came charging down the stairs
Sayin`, `What`s that I heard you say ?
I said, `I like Fidel Castrov I think you heard me rightAnd I ducked as he swung
At me with all his might
Rita mumbled something
`Bout her mother on the hill
As his fist hit the icebox
He said he`s going to kill me
If I don`t get out of the door
In two seconds flat
`Your unpatriotic
Rotten doctor Commie rat`.
Well, he threw a Reader`s Digest
At my head and I did run
I did a somersault
As I seen him get his gun
And chrashed through the window
At a hundred miles an hour
And landed fully blast
In his garden flowers
Rita said, `Come backAs he started to load
The sun was comin` up
And I was runnin` down the road.
Well, I don`t figure I`ll be back
There for a spell
Even though Rita moved away
And got a job in a motel
He still waits for me
Constant on the sky
He wants to turn me in
To the FBI
Me, I romp and stomping
Thankful as a romp
Without freedom of speech
I might be in the swamp.
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